"Head of the House" is an episode from the classic Honeymooners series that aired as half-hour shows in 1956. The series starred Jackie Gleason as a bus driver, Ralph Kramden, with Audrey Meadows as his wife, Alice. Art Carney co-starred as Ralph's neighbor, Ed Norton. Joyce Meadows played Ed's wife, Trixie.
In "Head," Ralph characteristically tells a news reporter he's the boss in his house. To back it up, he bets a coworker he can order Alice to cook on short notice.
When Alice refuses, Ralph and Ed scheme to cook dinner before the coworker arrives. Predictably the cooking ends in disaster, but Alice graciously allows Ralph to save face with his coworker.
Comic routines include Ralph trying to prevent Alice from seeing the newspaper interview where he's quoted as saying he's head of the house. Later Ralph accidentally sews a chicken to his blouse as he and Ed try to cook dinner in time to win the bet.
But, as in the best Honeymooners episodes, the finest comedy is in the predictable behavior of the characters, including Ralph's boasting and Alice's stoic defiance.
I made several changes because, short as the original was, I still thought it was too long, based (what else?) on the typical thumbnail review.
First I thought referring to Trixie as "less prominent" was unnecessary in a thumbnail review; it would make sense in a chapter in a book on the show, but not in a thumbnail review.
I also simplified the language in the second paragraph (compare the two versions). Apart from major editing, as in movies, there's always room to cut, cut, cut. (Notice, during the Hollywood studio system, movies averaged around 90 minutes in running time. Today they average around 2 hours and 10 or even 20 minutes. (Almost always the extra footage seems unnecessary.)
I also omitted the phase, "pretending Alice cooked it,"assuming that that was implicit anyway and I could get rid of unnecessary words, always keeping in mind my special goal of a "thumbnail" review and making it as much like a "thumbnail" as possible while still being "complete" for the purpose.
I made a major change by combining the content of two paragraphs in my first draft into one (third) paragraph in this draft. This was probably the major flaw in my first version (draft). I never liked it, but I wanted to complete at least one draft and send it off. The obvious problem was proportion, something I discuss a lot in class and in commentaries on your papers. This is a matter of judgment. It's something the advanced writer feels. The summary of the plot was just too long for a thumbnail review, which, in addition, was only part of a general evaluation of the series, The Honeymooners. One doesn't want a detailed plot summary but a mere summary, a general overview of the story, which I achieved more economically here.
Note in one instance I added a word; I normally am suspicious of adverbs and adjectives (as Mark Twain rhymed, "When in doubt, strike it out." But in this case a single adverb ("graciously") did heavy duty. It made the scene come alive in a way that merely writing "allows" would not have done. And, after all, making something come alive (a place, an event, a character, a philosophy) is a main goal of writing.
Notice, for economy I left some details implied, hoping the reader understands the omitted details, such as that the coworker has been invited to dinner that evening. Other details are unimportant, such as the fact that Ralph phones Alice and she hangs up on him. Always the writer has got to make choices as to what to include and what to leave out, and always in relation to the whole project: its length, its genre, its purpose, its intended readers, etc. Obviously in a volume dedicated to commentary on each Honeymooners episode I would have to be more elaborate, including quoting dialogue, describing scenes at some length, etc.
The final two paragraphs were also revised, with better results.
In the first case I made two sentences of what was one sentence in the first draft. But notice how a simple transition word ("Later") made for a smooth transition between the two comic incidents I related. Without that word it would have been awkward linking the two incidents, at least with simplicity.
In the final paragraph I refined the language.
For ease of reference (comparison) the original version is below:
"Head of the House" is an episode from the classic Honeymooners series that aired as half-hour shows in 1956. The series starred Jackie Gleason as a bus driver, Ralph Kramden, with Audrey Meadows as his wife, Alice. Art Carney co-starred as Ralph's neighbor, Ed Norton. Less prominent in the series was Joyce Meadows as Ed's wife, Trixie.
In "Head," Ralph characteristically tells a news reporter he's the boss in his house. To back it up, he bets a coworker he can order Alice to cook a meal on short notice.
When Alice refuses, Ralph and Ed scheme to cook a dinner before the coworker arrives, pretending Alice has cooked it. Predictably the cooking ends in disaster.
When Alice arrives home she helps Ralph save face, telling the coworker she didn't have time to cook. In typical Honeymooners style Ralph embraces Alice, having learned another lesson in spousal respect.
Comic routines include Ralph trying to prevent Alice from seeing the newspaper interview where he's quoted as saying he's head of the house and Ralph and Ed trying to cook dinner, with Ralph accidentally sewing the chicken to his blouse.
But, as in the best Honeymooners episodes, the finest comedy is in the predictable behavior of the characters, including Ralph's boasting and Alice stoically standing her ground.
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